September 21, 2007


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So I'm listening to Manowar's "Hail to England," specifically the 8 minute "Bridge of Death" metal epic that caps it at the end, and let me back up a bit.

Manowar is the kind of band, wait, I'll try again.

Manowar's album covers all feature some sort of variant of berserker Conan knockoffs, all glistening and oiled rippling electrolyzed thews and more than a little homoerotic of the "FUCK YOU I'M NOT GAY!" overcompensating variety. These mesomorph warriors are howling their straight-as-Ted-Haggard at the sky, which is generally excitingly busy with lightning, while shaking various weapons at the sky ("I WAS JUST EXPERIMENTING!" they're berserker-raging), while various extremely top-heavy topless women fawn at their feet in a fruitless effort to gain their attention. But they're failing to gain the warriors' attention because, you know, they're tired and dammit woman, they already said they were at a late meeting at the office and no they didn't stop at the bathhouse again HAIL ODIN BLOOD AND WAR!

They also at one point held the record for the world's loudest band. Also for a drum solo with the highest sustained beats-per-minute sustained by a human drummer. And if that's not actually true, it should be.

Anyway, as I was saying. I was listening to this song, freshly downloaded from yonder Most of it is blending well into the established background. A lot of words about the fighting to die in the sky and why as eagles fly in the sky to fight and die (Manowar's book of rhymes has always been fairly limited), when this absolutely brilliant piece of lyrics catches my ear:

"ride out on Hell's hot wings!"

Which is awesome. Just think about it:
Ride Out on Hell's Hot Wings(tm)!

Now I ask you: is that a great ad slogan for a brand of hot wings, or is that the greatest ad slogan for a brand of hot wings? I'll just put you down for "greatest."

Ride out on Hell's Hot Wings!

posted by Gar @ 6:08 PM
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