August 15, 2008


The Anti-Olympics

This is my idea, which I invented myself, it is my creation. I should really file a frivolous patent posthaste, but won't, so when the antigames start up in 2010 or 2014, I'll be the bitter drunk guy ranting again about how they stole my idea while all the friends and acquaintances who put up with my nonsense sigh and wait for it to pass again.

So, I was watching a bit of the Olympics, and it occurred to me that the main problem with them is that all the competitions are between people who are similarly massively skilled at whatever the event happens to be. (I'm aware that many people consider this a feature. I am not my brother's keeper.) Then it came to me, in an inspirational flash.

Every even-numbered off-Olympics year--so alternating 4 years sandwiched between the regular ones--there should be the other games. I haven't chosen what to call them yet, and should really just start trademarking every possiblity as it occurs to me. But, again, won't. (See above re: drunken complaining, too late.) These games will likewise involve particpants from all nations. But here's the important twist: whereas the regular Olympics all involve your standard qualifying competitions to winnow out the athletes, the alternate games will be filled by lotto, by pure random pick. It'll be brilliant. The stands will explode in excitement when the pasty stereotypical full-time internet cafe Starcraft-tournament playing Korean actually struggles across the entire length of the 100 meter pool, as opposed to cramping up and sinking to the bottom after floundering ten feet like the 300-pound trucker just did, and who knew that 70 year old grandmother could shoot skeet so well? Except for that one little misfire accident, but judges can be replaced.

I predict with full confidence that the viewership numbers would put the actual Olympics to shame.

posted by Gar @ 1:53 PM

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