September 21, 2007


Ad slogan

So I'm listening to Manowar's "Hail to England," specifically the 8 minute "Bridge of Death" metal epic that caps it at the end, and let me back up a bit.

Manowar is the kind of band, wait, I'll try again.

Manowar's album covers all feature some sort of variant of berserker Conan knockoffs, all glistening and oiled rippling electrolyzed thews and more than a little homoerotic of the "FUCK YOU I'M NOT GAY!" overcompensating variety. These mesomorph warriors are howling their straight-as-Ted-Haggard at the sky, which is generally excitingly busy with lightning, while shaking various weapons at the sky ("I WAS JUST EXPERIMENTING!" they're berserker-raging), while various extremely top-heavy topless women fawn at their feet in a fruitless effort to gain their attention. But they're failing to gain the warriors' attention because, you know, they're tired and dammit woman, they already said they were at a late meeting at the office and no they didn't stop at the bathhouse again HAIL ODIN BLOOD AND WAR!

They also at one point held the record for the world's loudest band. Also for a drum solo with the highest sustained beats-per-minute sustained by a human drummer. And if that's not actually true, it should be.

Anyway, as I was saying. I was listening to this song, freshly downloaded from yonder Most of it is blending well into the established background. A lot of words about the fighting to die in the sky and why as eagles fly in the sky to fight and die (Manowar's book of rhymes has always been fairly limited), when this absolutely brilliant piece of lyrics catches my ear:

"ride out on Hell's hot wings!"

Which is awesome. Just think about it:
Ride Out on Hell's Hot Wings(tm)!

Now I ask you: is that a great ad slogan for a brand of hot wings, or is that the greatest ad slogan for a brand of hot wings? I'll just put you down for "greatest."

Ride out on Hell's Hot Wings!

posted by Gar @ 6:08 PM

September 15, 2007


Pickles the Drummer doodily doo ding dong doodily doodily doo

I don't watch much television. I'm not one of the teeveetotalers who get smug about that fact and believe that it gives them mental superpowers, because I'd have mental superpowers no matter how I spent my free time, on account of the yeti blood. Or more properly, nental superpowers. But another reason I don't believe that is that it definitely leads to missing some good stuff when it's new.

For instance, I hadn't known of the awesome brutality, blacker than the blackest black times infinity, of DETHKLOK, whose adventures are featured in the documentary series Metalocalypse.

I was aware of some kind of emptiness where the sound of brutality should echo. I was aware that, as my blood flowed through my veins that I was not being aurally bloodtrocuted. I knew that my ears were starving, but I didn't quite know how.

But now I do know, and it's a better world.

posted by Gar @ 8:32 AM

September 10, 2007


Old Time Radio Shows

Good collection of mp3s of classic old radio dramas. The Shadow, Lights Out, etc.--all kinds of good stuff there.

Related, the HP Lovecraft Historical Society, who did what is probably the only actually good Lovecraft movie (a period piece, silent movie adaptation of "The Call of Cthulhu" short story), also did the same schtick in an adaptation of "At the Mountains of Madness". That latter, of course, done as a period piece radio drama.

It's a genre I think is probably due for a niche comeback, what with the popularity of podcasts.

posted by Gar @ 7:34 AM

September 09, 2007


Extreme in-joke

Baby sea turtles.

posted by Gar @ 12:51 PM

September 05, 2007


quick reviews


Hot Fuzz: It's by the same folks who did Shaun of the Dead, and it shows, and in a good way. Slow-burn opening that's primarily to set up a machinegun series of joke moments later; tongue-in-cheek dry humor building to general insanity. Basically, what Shaun does for zombie flicks--being simultaneously a comedy version of them, and a damn fine zombie film in its own right--Hot Fuzz does for action cop movies.

Behind the Mask: the Rise of Leslie Vernon: This was one of those great occasional discoveries that justifies my netflix subscription above and beyond all the other justifications. Some hapless film school types are shooting a documentary on our hero Leslie Vernon, who's aiming to be the next big name in unstoppable supernatural slashers. His dream is to be referred to in the same breath as the greats like Voorhees and Myers and Krueger once were.

It's all very self-aware of its genre, poking fun of and fond of at the same time. It reminded me somewhat of Scream, only I liked it much, much more--"Scream" was, in effect, mugging at the camera and oh-so-very pleased with itself; "Behind the Mask" pretty much plays it poker-faced straight.


Bioshock: A good game, but somewhat overrated--not really worth the thundering praise it's getting elsewhere. Where it shines is its lovingly polished art direction, and narrative that's competently executed with decent voice-acting throughout--which of course puts it lightyears ahead of most videogames. It's no spoiler to note that the plot has its twists, and most of the weaknesses of it come about as a direct result of that, as pretty much all plots that get twisty don't bear too much scrutiny around them.

posted by Gar @ 8:41 PM

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