April 12, 2005


the bicycle streamers were the secret

One of the things that many people don't realize about the internet is that it evolved out of a military project to ensure that, even in the case of a limited nuclear exchange with the Reds, people would still be able to make frivolous legal threats.

This exchange wouldn't have been possible without that design intent. My personal favorite bit is this:

My dad actually called me last night to say "some crazy guy phoned the house here. He called me a 'candy ass' and then hung up." I replied to him, "oh yeah, that's this guy representing the Ultimate Warrior. He pretty much has an airtight legal case against us, which is why he's spending his Sunday night calling you, my father." My dad doesn't understand the Internet as well as I do.

posted by Gar @ 8:54 PM
Lowtax is my hero. I wanna kinda emulate 'im. I remember fondly his bitch-slapping of trolls on the old Planet Half-Life boards. Trolls who thought they were modders, but only created an Uzi model in Milkshape, then lost interest and wandered off to watch The Matrix again and plan their next school killing spree. Or trolls who thought they could program better than Valve when the extent of their computer knowledge came from watching the Unix system graphic in Jurassic Park.

The beauty of it was that, much like the wily puma, he allowed said trolls to hang themselves up by their own retardedness, tricking them into betraying their lack of knowledge on ... well, anything. I like mixing metaphors. I dunno, I haven't checked in there in years, maybe he's still there. Neither have I read Something Awful in quite a while, perhaps I should.

The lesson here is that the vast majority of cease and desist letters can be safely mocked and derided, as well as potentially presented as evidence of extortion in a court of law. Believe me, I've seen it happen.

These days for true horror and mockery that in no way adds to my faith in humanity I most often turn to cruel.com. Immature? Yes. Cruel? Yes. Asshat-bots? Yes. NSFW? Nearly always.

And remember the motto, "Free speech is for me, but not for thee." If you choose to accept this mission your brain will self destruct in fifteen seconds and all evidence of your existence will be denied.
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