September 14, 2005


Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades

Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades.

What's that? You didn't hear me? I said, FUCK EVERYTHING, WE'RE DOING FIVE BLADES!

You're taking the "safety" part of "safety razor" too literally, grandma. Cut the strings and soar. Let's hit it. Let's roll. This is our chance to make razor history. Let's dream big. All you have to do is say that five blades can happen, and it will happen. If you aren't on board, then fuck you. And if you're on the board, then fuck you and your father. Hey, if I'm the only one who'll take risks, I'm sure as hell happy to hog all the glory when the five-blade razor becomes the shaving tool for the U.S. of "this is how we shave now" A.

Except it's even cooler than that, it's five blades PLUS a blade jammed onto the backside of the head. You could connect two of them together with a chain at the base of the handle and use them as a whirling pair of nunchuks, with lubricating chi strips. Hardcore.

posted by Gar @ 11:56 AM
Fuck. Once again, reality proves to be an even stranger motherfucker than fiction can ever hope to be. Or apparently Gillette executives are so bankrupt of ideas that they have to get the from The Onion (or wherever that was, can't remember).

I suppose it was only a matter of time.

Wanna start a pool on when we get SIX MOTHERFUCKING BLADES?
The Spishak Mach 20 rocks too:
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