September 13, 2005


A purely hypothetical movie review.

The review is hypothetical, based solely on my imagination, because of course it isn't out in any domestic form yet. So there's no way I could've seen it, and I have no recollection, senator, of having done so. But I do have eerily accurate dreams sometimes.

Anyway, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children. Plot--mostly a giant "Huh???" for anyone who's never played the actual pre-colon titular game, because that's where all the backstory is, and before the colon in the movie title is the only place the actual movie has it. It's years since I played it, so I would still--hypothetically!--be rusty on who the hell some of the cameos were.

But the plot's largely irrelevant. Mostly it's an excuse for some just plain gorgeous rendered animation of technomagical demigods beating the crap out of one another and their surroundings while not so much thumbing their noses at or even breaking but actually raping the laws of physics; in the course of fighting, they grasp the elegant equations of the universe and take great pleasure in thoroughly violating them. The fight scenes comprise the vast majority of the running length, and that was a wise editting choice.

I suspect that, come a future time when it will be possible to do a non-hypothetical review, that it will look much the same. That is all.

posted by Gar @ 5:32 AM
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